I am looking at a letter sent to me by an author who wants to know how big an advance I am going to give them on their (as yet unseen) novel. This seems a little forward to me. It also reeks of misunderstanding.
Confidence is indeed an important pre-requisite for anyone thinking of approaching a publisher…or indeed any new venture. If you are of the pre-Instagram generation, this may be hard for you. You were probably brought up with the idea that ‘showing off’ is a cardinal sin, somewhat less forgivable than mass murder
and only slightly less horrific than skipping your place in a queue. At any rate, unthinkable. Suddenly in the digital age, ‘putting it out there’ no longer refers just to the bin collection. People are encouraged to bare all, flesh and soul, and nowadays to fail to cry Look at me is becoming a sort of social faux pas in its own right. So I understand when prospective authors approach me with chin held high and a list of demands that would make a celebrity diva such as J. Lo seem shy and retiring. However, this is not the best idea.
Your publisher is a person—possibly a grumpy person who is having a bad day—and being met with an introductory letter that reads like a ransom note to the Getty family is not going to evoke their better angels. Establishing some rapport is a good place to start. How about mentioning the title of your book? I can’t count the number of letters that talk generally about “a book I am writing.” Well duh! You are approaching a publishing company. It’s not likely you are writing your shopping list.
By all means talk about your book in a manner that suggests that you have every reason to believe that it is worth publishing, but do try to avoid wandering into fantasy land. Below is a list of genuine demands I have received from writers I have never heard of:
· I want my book made into a film
· I would like Geroge Lucas to direct the film.
· I have an idea and I thought you would pay me a lot of money for it then write the book for me.
· You may offer me an advance and I will tell you if you are close to reaching my worth.
· I expect my own publicist.
· I won’t need edited.
· Nothing can be cut down in my 3,000-page epic entitled: A History of thresholds and Hinges: Door Mechanics in Post-War Britain
The more diplomatic ones sometimes phrase the demands as an opportunity:
· I’m giving you this chance to bid on my novel.
· This is your opportunity to snap up the next big thing.
· Behind every great writer is an eager publisher. Call me now.
· Hurry before I change my mind! (All right. I made that last one up, but it has been implied in a number of proposals.)
Though the following are not strictly demands, it would be remiss of me to leave out the more grandiose claims as the subtext is how stupid the publisher would be to miss out on the phenomenon of the century.
· This book defines a generation.
· Nothing like this has ever been written before.
· The book readers don’t know they’ve been looking for.
· Makes the word ‘viral’ look like an unrealised sneeze.
So, how do you show confidence without making the publisher choke on their latte? It’s quite simple. Be authentic. In most circumstances I really don’t like using that word, especially as it has begun to be misused in the way people now misuse ‘literal’ to mean quite the opposite. I literally exploded when he said he loved me. However, I mean it in its simplest sense. Don’t make untrue or exaggerated claims. If you think your book is good, it will come through when you talk about it. There will be evidence to support you, e.g. years of research or a background in the book’s subject. Cast your mind back to being at school. Remember the difference between a good teacher and a bad one? The bad ones lectured you about getting ahead and the value of an education. The good ones made you interested in the driest of subjects because they were genuinely fascinated by them and they drew you into that fascination.
Last of all, keep in mind, the publisher is a person and will enjoy being spoken to like one. And never forget that publishers have evolved the most sensitive nostrils in the world. We can outdo a German Shepherd when it comes to sniffing out bullsh*t.